Figure out
Had it been me, would have figured it long back. but it was my good-luck, that was not me. Though had it been me, this would have never ever happened, I would have never left enough space for another. I would have molded myself up to any level, as he wished me to be, than losing him to another, as I already have molded a lot.
Ya, am talking about the person whom I love. Its by fortune's strike that I found him for me, while missfortune to the one who lost him to me. Yet anaware of her loss, she lives in a world of her own, where she percieves that this man is made for her, who cannot think of life beyond her, who loves her as dearly as she feels.
The literal truth is that, he only does his responsibilities towards her, and tryies not to hurt her with the harsh truth that he loves me, also that he feels he is made for me, he wants not to loose me. He keeps quite and I too. Thus she lives in her day dream happily.
We are running steady for quite a time, and even her presence does not affect it all. Its only that before her arrival I was a bit unsure of the situations that would follow, but to my dismay, her presence had improved our relation to a noticable limit.
Actually her presence had brought in all the space and opportunity for comparison between us, our behaviour, desires, thoughts, dreames, nature, attitude and so on, an in all these aspects everytime he had compared us, he felt the need for me. He had found out that he was made for me, deserved me, instead of her, but his being a very good man at heart, he would not desert her atleast. Atleast not until it is her own decision to quit there relation.
I know she will never take such a decision because she has a world of her own, a dream world, where she is the happiest person of the world. Her presence haunts me, everytime I look at her I suffer the feeling of loss. I think and re-think, why she had to be in his life, why she in supposed not to figure out anything yet, why does she not try to match and find out the differances in the life she led before her departure and the one she is leading now even after her arrival for months hence.
Seems to me I have the world to me and still I suffer, silently. My inner self talks two at a time. One says I want him to live with me at any cost, while the other says 'no', he must not desert her, for me, I have his love I have all.
He is my world, and I cannot build up a world of my own to live and dream in it peacefully, but my world is all around him, and thus I am as happy as sad too.
I know I will bear this sorrow with me all my life, because I cannot live a life without him, while I cannot completely get him as mine. Only wait for a day to come when this wish of mine will come true, even which I know will never happen, but my heart knows not.
I yet know have I been in her palce I would have figured out the presence of another, which she cannot, and I dont want her to ever.
