Leaving The Bar | By: Curtis Williams | | Category: Short Story - Funny Bookmark and Share

Leaving The Bar


It’s Closing Time At A Bar. One Guy Sits On A Stool, So Drunk, His Head Is Too Heavy For Even Him To Lift. The Bartender, A Pale Skinny Chick With Blonde Hair Walks Up To Him Says, “Closing Time, Bud. Bar’s Closed.”

“To Hell With That,” Slobbers The Man, his eyes flutter lazily. “Gimme Another Drink.”

“I said the bar’s closed. Beat it.”

The Guy Grumbles and slides off of the stool, so drunk that he can hardly stand, and soon collapses onto the ground, vision blurry, stomach churning. He literally crawls out of the bar. A full moon and stars light the dark sky and chilly winds sweep through the streets. The city is alive with night activity. Few cars cruise down the trash littered roads. Bums slowly push creaky shopping carts along the sidewalk, bumping into groups of men and women dressed in black leather, sporting rainbow colored mohawks and anti-religious jewelry. They pull out short switch blades and lick their pale thin lips with crooked grins.

“You want somethin’ old bastard?” they growl.

 On the corners stand clubs, booming with earsplitting bass and lines of young people stretch down avenue. Outside, he tries to pick himself up again, but his legs wobble weakly and before he could muster the strength for a single step, he falls. Again, he is forced to crawl across the street and head home, ignoring the crowds that laugh, whisper and even kick him along the way.

Using all of his energy, he finally makes it to the porch of his home, but is too weak to crawl up the wooden stairs to the front door. He passes out. Later that morning after the sun rises, he is awakened by a splash of cold water, filling his nostrils and sliding down his throat. He chokes and sits up staring at his wife in anger, with a throbbing headache. Wearing a navy blur robe, her hair full of pink and white rollers, she frowns folding her arms.

“You, jackass, you went drinking didn’t you?”

The man coughs up a glob of water and mucus, shaking his head quickly. “Hell no, I was just hanging with some friends.”

“Don’t lie to me you ass! I know you went out drinking ‘cause you left your wallet and your wheelchair at the bar!!!”

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