The Retarded Cart | By: Sean Bryant | | Category: Short Story - Funny Bookmark and Share

The Retarded Cart

One day two guys names Josh and Sean were totally wasted driving through the woods. When..
“Thump!” They hit something.
“Woooh! Shit I think we hit something”
“Noo way dude.”
“Yeah man I think it was a deer.”
“Shit! Man, I just got this cart yesterday.”
“Bummer dude.”
The two were looking down at the front end of the cart and came to the conclusion, it wasn’t a deer that they hit. It was something much larger like a no name horse. They were not sure what they hit so they went looking for… Well whatever they hit. When… They heard some rustling around in the bushes right ahead of them. All of a sudden a wild boar jumped out of the bushes. But Sean saw and ugly head with big husks. Then screamed and ran away.
When they came back the boar was gone and the cart was still thrashed. And they prepared to repair the cart to a useable state. They spent hours repairing the dang retarded cart. When they finally finished they decided that they should try to get through the forest without hitting anything else.
They started driving again when in no doubt, they heard something so they slowed down. It was no other then a bunch of retarded screaming wild dumb bald talking parrots. There were 77 of them, and they were all out of control. And they were all screaming hyperactive. When we ran back in the retarded cart we decided that we were getting hungry. They decided Mc. Donald’s is the closest stop. So we drove to the closest Mc. D’s and drove our cart through the drive in. Where Mr. Romeo & Mrs. Juliet were serving there food on a paramedic emergency cart with the following items on top..
Green Wall Moss with sprinkles of dirt.
3 Cooked Legs of Llama.
Unbaked Potatoes.
Yummy warm chocolate milk.
Salt from the lakes.
Retarded Children who were all pruney from being cooked 18 hours.
The special Seagull Soup.
And then Romeo told me to eat all of this with a five-pound spoon.
Then when I was about to eat he said,
Wait let me sprinkle some French talking head lice for some extra flavor.
We ate it all up and did not feel good.
We suddenly did not feel good and started to see yellow flashes coming from nowhere. We suddenly emerged in deep blue water. We could not breathe and were panicking when someone finally pulled us out and we found out that we were only in a 1 foot of water. So this story was not my best considering the amount of time that I spent on it.
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