Till when Will I wait
Till when will I Wait?
“He stared again and my reflexes made me smile again”
“Love knows only you”
I am tired of leaving everyone I love. I am tired of crying, I want something different, someone different.
New Oaks is my new hometown, after I left New York. Mom’s job changes almost every year and that is something I can hardly bear. I hope I can also be “happy”, the feeling others enjoyed, the feeling I was never able to try.
“I do not want to!” I protested. “You must dear. I know it would be another rough start for both of us but you must. I promise we will never leave again.” She said. “Promise?,” I questioned.” How many times did I hear that from you? You keep on promising but we are always moving.” I added. And with that I went to my room and locked my self. I am alone. I am always alone. I wanted to cry but I could not. Tears dried up already and I can feel that loneliness is my only companion.
The following day mom enrolled me at New Oaks High, though I still don’t want to go back to school. She is silent the whole time we are on our way and when we reached our destination, I left my transfer papers inside our car and get the key from mom’s pocket unknowingly, who was talking with the principal. Then I went out of the room and ran as fast as I can.
I stumbled and fell on a guy who was reading a pocket book on a bench. I was embarrassed. I do not know what to do or what to say. I lift my face with watery eyes because no matter how I tried to stop my self from crying, I just can’t do so. When I look at the guy where I fall I felt a strange feeling. Something I never felt before. I could not explain it.
I can see in his eyes that he is confused on what will he react after that happening, but I waited patiently. I want time to pass by at its slowest or rather not to move at all.
He gave me a handkerchief, the first thing I ever received from someone I do not know. I did not know why after I get hold of that handkerchief, I smiled at him. Maybe it could just be a reaction of my reflexes. After that, I ran as swiftly as I can but in my mind I said “school may not be as bad as I’ve thought after all.” I apologized to my mom who waiting for me beside the car and in a few more minutes I was enrolled – again.
That night, when I was in my room, I was thinking about this guy whom I met earlier and remembered the handkerchief he gave me. When I opened it I saw an embroidered name and it might be the name of that guy. “Philip’ I uttered.
I went to my new school the following day thinking of him, if what year could he be or if where will we meet again. At that time I felt that I am weird. “Am I in love with a stranger? I hope so – not.” I was surprised to know that this guy whom I have a liking to call “Philip” will be my classmate in biology, and he will even be my seatmate. “Why am I nervous again?” I asked my self. “It might be because of that coffee. Caffeine makes you nervous” I told myself. When I was in front of him, I stiffen. I do not know why but the closer I get to him the more attracted I am and the weirder I become. He said “hi” and I do not know what greeting to reply. Again, I smiled without me noticing it. We stared at each other the whole class and I like it…I mean I could not help but to do it. When the bell rang for recess, I went out of the room and from a far I looked back and saw him leaning on the post reading something. I turned my back and continued to walk to the cafeteria.
I was like an insane girl who keeps on walking without knowing where to go. First time was really hard especially when the school where you will transfer will be as big as metropolitan area. I mean not exactly that big but could be a suitable comparison though. New Oaks high was one of the biggest schools in America and students from different year levels would have their class on separate buildings. It is really hard to figure out where you will go if you are a first timer. I mean in my case second timer. Eventually I was walking around our biology building ending out lost in the middle of a crowd pushing each other to get through the main entrance to proceed to their next class. Suddenly a pocket book was in front of me. I picked it up at looked at it. I do not have any idea if who owns it since a lot of students are there and none seemed to be looking for something. I saw again this “Philip” guy who was pushing his way out of the crowd and I guess he was looking for something. Then, I remembered the pocket book I have has the same cover of the one he was reading. I went near him to ask if the pocket book was his but does not have that courage to do so. So I just touched him lightly and when he looks back he stared at me again. I stiffen again but I must combat my reflexes and hand over him the book with another smile. If I stayed another minute I might have done something that would be embarrassing so I ran away not minding the people I bumped through with.
Staring and smiling became our way of treating each other for a long time and now I can say that this could be our situation until the end of the school year. I wanted to do something about it but I just waited for a happening to make my move.
One time, after our biology class, I noticed a notebook below the table and when I took it I saw it was “Philip’s” notebook. I brought it home with me smiling. I know that the right time I was asking for is near.
The following day, I knew Philip will be looking for his notes and I went near him and said “I found your notes yesterday. Here they are.” He smiled at me and slowly get his notes then, when I was about to return my attention to our lesson he said in a very low voice” What could I do to repay you Alice?” I blushed that time after he first called me by my name. I replied to what he ask me saying that if it is ok for him, he could treat me for snacks, unexpectedly, he agreed.
We went to the cafeteria that day and he was close to me. And after that happening we gradually became friends. We are always together, and spend most of our free time with each other. I do not care what others may react about this. Sometimes we were teased by our classmates but we ignore them. I am not doing anything bad. I just valued the special friendship we have. He gave me a pendant and swears that he would never leave me. That was the promise he made – the promise I would never forget. We became so close with each other that I even introduced him to my mom. She was happy to know that I learned to be friendly with someone, which I do not usually do – I mean never did at all since I left Anne, my first best friend when we are still at Oxford.
Out of curiosity, I asked him one time if what love for him is. I was thinking of it the whole time and my mouth just said what I have in my mind. “You’ he answered. I was puzzled but at the same time happy. My heart beats faster then normal that time and I got that feeling that I want to hug him but stopped my self. I knew it, he likes me too. However, when he added ‘first” after the “you” that thought was erased in an instant. I looked for a way to show him how I feel for him indirectly and told him that love gave a gift for me, a very special one that is. “He” was that gift. He is my smile. When he asked if what gift was it, it was my turn to answer “you”. He stared at me confused. I tried to pretend I was joking and said “your turn”. His next response was quite unsatisfying but I did not bother to dig deeper with the topic and continued to talk on other things.
For a couple of weeks it was only I and Philip who are together but just a few days ago he introduced to me James, his best friend. James was a nice guy, he is popular at school but I never thought he was Philip’s best friend because I haven’t heard Philip talk about James. After we first met he usually went with us. We are taking our snacks together and go home together each afternoon. We watched him play during some of his practice match and it was awesome to if you could see him. Now I have two valuable people but I know that Philip is more than just a friend for me. Unlike Philip, James was more of an open – type. He is telling me everything he is thinking. However, because of my fondness with James, I can sense that something is not going right with Philip. He does not participate in our discussions lately and he is always quiet if the three of us are together. I do not know why, and I am ashamed to ask him.
It was Saturday night that day when our phone rang. Philip must be calling me, so I rushed down to answer the call. “Philip,” I said. “It’s James” the caller answered. “Can we talk in person?” he added. I agreed after my mom gave me the permission and we meet at a small park near or house. “I know it is a rush but I am falling for you Alice” James said” I’ve already told Philip about this a few days ago.” he added. “I could not” I told him, “I am in love with somebody else.” “I know, Alice, I understand.” He replied with his head down. I went closer to him and look at him. I saw a different side of James, a James I never thought of. He was crying silently but I know that it was not because of what I told him. There is something deeper, something behind what he said.
“I know it James. What’s really the problem?” I asked. “It’s…It’s because I could not face the reality. I admire you but I know I have someone else in my mind. I can see her from you, that is why I like you.” he confessed. “I get it.” I responded. He told me about Veronica, the girl whom he loved but went away because of him. He told me that I have a resemblance with her in every way he saw me. I asked him if what happened back then but he could not answer. The last words I said before we parted that night was” Fight for her, I know you can - take it as an advice”.
Prom was the talk of the town that day and everyone is busy looking for their partners. Philip went near me and tried to ask something. I was been waiting for him to ask me out but he left me without those words. James did not show up that whole day as well. I went home with a heavy heart. I am expecting him to ask me for prom but I know I do not have the right to think of that…but still I waited. Every day I embroidered a letter in the handkerchief he gave me when we fist meet and after five days I finished putting my name beside his but he never did what I was waiting for.
I did not answer anyone and so I went to prom alone still hoping for Philip. While everyone is dancing I was alone in the bench. My cell phone rang and it was James. He was asking me to see him in the garden of the hotel where our prom was held. I went out and meet with him. “I have been thinking of what you have told me Alice, and I after all this days I decided that I will go, to fight my love for her.” He said smiling. “Goodbye Alice. Be happy with Richard.” He hugged me and I was happy for him. We decided to back to the hotel when I saw something. It was a bunch or roses and a card addressed for me. When I opened the card it says,
My mind thinks of you. My heart beats for you. I am living because of you and that is why Love means you”
Richard Philip Edwards
Tears fell from my eyes as I read his message and I embraced the roses. I knelt down and looked as the clouds slowly covered the moon. I am a fool. James comforted me and he told me that he received a message from Edward earlier that he is going to London – that very night. I ran fast and James asked me “where will you go?” “I will go to the place where love is” I replied
I went home and stole our car from the garage and drive as fast as I could hoping to reach him on time. I did not mind anything on my way and when a truck was approaching the last thing I remembered was his face.
Alice opened up her eyes and could not remember anything at all. She lost her memory, her love and her smile. Years passed swiftly and the girl named “Alice” was alone again. Her mom told her that they will leave new Oaks but she refused. In her mind she knew she still has something to wait - someone to wait for.
I saw a man and I smiled. He was very kind. He is a friend of mine from the past as what my mother told me. He was so gentle in his words and I have a nice feeling towards him. We talked that day and I fall asleep. I was dreaming of myself yelling the word “Philip”. Who is Philip? I asked my self.
The man from yesterday returned, I do not know why but I was glad to see him again. In his briefcase I saw the name R. Philip Edwards. Is he Philip? I asked my self again.
The next days I am always with him and soon it was February, my birthday. Philip went to our home and asked me to go with him. I never went out from home before but with Philip I feel secured. I agree and we spend the day together at the amusement park. Fragments of my memory are starting to return but I did not bother it at all. Even if I would not regain my memory again I am satisfied now with the life I have.
I called him Philip and he was surprised. I told him I saw his name in his briefcase. I want to ask him who he really is to me but I told my self that it does not matter at all. We went home late in the evening and I fell asleep. The last thing I remembered was that I hear him whispering” I will never leave you again”
When I woke up I saw myself in the wall mirror opposite me. I was in the hospital with bandages around my body. “Why am I here?” I asked. No one answered so I detach all the things connected to me and went out. Mom was crying and I do not know why. Beside her were two other people and when I went closer mom was surprised. She told me that I need to back to my room but I insisted that I am alright. “What happened?” I asked. “Honey this is Mr. and Mrs. Edwards, Richard’s parents” my mom informed me. There I remembered that I was with Philip this entire period of time. “Where is he?” They did not answer me but pointed to the room next to us. I entered and saw him. I cried. I went near him and hug him as tears continue to flow from my eyes. He was in coma. The nurse said that he has a small chance of survival.
I don’t believe them. Philip will never leave. Not now that my memory returned. I asked my mom to give to me the handkerchief in the box at the table in my room and when she went back from home she handled me the handkerchief. I hold it tightly while sitting beside Philip. I was there for two days. Looking at him while I am crying. I still have hope that he will wake up even though they will not believe me.
Because of so much stress I did not notice that I fell asleep. “Alice” a voice said. I woke up and saw Philip looking at me. I smiled and when he is trying to say something I put my index finger to his lips saying” Shhhh… I understand” I return to him the handkerchief he gave me back then.
“I made you loose your smile.” He said
“The best gift I ever had in my life was when you came. You are the reason of this smile.” I replied.
“You are the reason why I still breathe because you are my heart.” He answered me. “This could be the end now, for the last time can you please……smile for me?” he uttered.
I smiled as tears fall from my eyes and when I saw Philip close his eyes I hugged him and cried “Till when will I wait for you?” and he said “ you will wait no more”.
Since that time we never leave each other and I became Alice Edwards.
