A Practice in the AbSuRd
Jacob walked backwards down the street watching where he just was. He counted down while he walked and had just reached negative thirty-two when he realized he was going in the wrong direction. He turned around and started walking backwards the other way. He counted up with each step he took and when he reached zero he found he was back at his house.
“Here I am!” he said.
He entered his house exhausted from the walk. He entered his kitchen and urinated on the floor. Her then went into the bathroom and took a drink out of the toilet. He entered his bedroom and sang a few operatic notes AND THEN h went into the garage to prepare for sleep.
As he slid under the car and tried to get comfortable, he wondered why he never slept in his bedroom as his friends said they did.
“I guess it’s because they are all idiots.” He said to his cat who looked upon him with mild and not-too-masked disgust.
The car started leaking oil and Jacob was grateful for the lulling sound of the drip, drip, drip. His hair became thick with wet, black, smelly car excretions.
The cat lit a cigarette and then purposefully threw it under the car while running quickly outside. The garage blew up, killing Jacob and destroying half of the house. The cat smiled and took a deep drag off the new cigarette held firmly in his paw. She had never liked Jacob and she was glad to see him gone.
The run down to town was quick. When the cat got there she found her new owners waiting in the predetermined meeting spot. The cat got into the backseat and was driven to her new home. Upon entering she found that she was not the only pet in the household. A large dog greeted her sloppily excited; the cat was not impressed. While lighting a cigarette the cat began plotting the destruction of her new canine adversary……….all in all, it was AbSuRd!
