My Tan Secret is Wood Stain | By: Eugene Carmen | | Category: Poem - Funny Bookmark and Share

My Tan Secret is Wood Stain

People are constantly asking me the secret to my tan
I laugh and reply I get it from a can
I tell them they can achieve the perfect tan too
They guess it's probably the summers over the years with the highway crew
The human skin is smooth, it has no grains
The secret to my tan is wood stain
They watch as the water just repels off my back
I've tried them all, the best is Minwax
They look at my teeth and ask if I use it on my grill
I quickly reply, you need to add some Thomson's Water Seal
The label warns prolonged exposure may cause skin cancer
I firmly believe since I'm not a lab rat, wood stain tans are the answer
Even beach goers are jealous of my skin tone
I'm a Daywalker but darker than a Redbone
I should have never coated my face, now I feel it is affecting my brain
Now I am bathing in Murphy's Oil Soap to preserve the tan from the wood stain
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