Trailer Park Body | By: Eugene Carmen | | Category: Short Story - Other Type Song Bookmark and Share

Trailer Park Body

I could not afford a Bow Flex, costs too much
I get diagrams to build my own from a man named Henry Clutch
The instructions say if I build it right
It will make me lean and my stomach tight
The first step, according to the instructions, is to collect empty beer bottles and cans
I go across the road to see Inez and Stan
They open their closet and tell me to take what I need from empties in here
I was kinda dissappointed when none of them were from Busch Beer
They ask me what are they for, I tell them they're for a hobby
I smile as I see myself in 32 weeks with a trailer park body
The next step is to collect some full sand bags, I know who to contact, the National Guard
I know a female Sargeant there, he name is Louise, but her troops call her Black Bart
She has the looks of her dad Stew
But she has a singing voice like Julie Andrews
She hooks me up with three full sand bags, which is more than I need
Step three I can't do, it would violate the trailer park creed
I guess cheaper isn't always the way to go
I bragged to my wife about the new me, but now I must eat crow
I decided to use the stuff I collected to decorate the front yard, but my wife said it would look too gawdy
I look around at the heroes here at the park and realize that after all I do have a trailer park body

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