Flight
I opened my eyes. Things were a bit hazy at first; slowly, I realized I was on another flight.
Everyone else seemed to be fast asleep. I just had an unusual dream; I dreamt I had died.
Where am I ? Oh! God, it had happened to me again: I could not remember where the hell
I was going!
I should really fix that appointment with my doctor. Probably it is this work pressure which
is causing this. Oh, hell ! - work - the scam, that was last night, wasn't it? A flood of
images from the past came rushing back: I had been working late, trying to cover up this
scam like the others. Finally I had given up, accepted that I would have to resign - it was
the only way out, the gaps were too many, the auditors too close. I had not had the heart -
or was it courage ? - to tell my wife the bad news. She was sulkily sleeping on the other
edge of the bed because I had insisted on working late. I was tossing and turning, unable
to sleep, my mind burdened by possibilities. I remembered the smell of something strangely
reminiscent of a hospital.
A smile hovered on the edge of my seat. I looked up: air-hostess, good-looking, lovely
actually, a straight A. There was even an angelic air about her.
"How long is it for landing?"
She smiled as if a child had asked her about a TV ad for condoms. "There is no time, sir."
That sounded like my boss, frantic as usual. Everything had to be done yesterday. But she
couldn't get away with that nonsense.
"Should I ask then where we are going?", I said sarcastically, not knowing the answer.
"Oh, hell", she said softly.
I gave up. Don't they teach them to be nice any more? Or just plain decent? I made a
mental note: never take this airline again. I took out my boarding card; incredible, it
couldn't be. I read it again: in clear bold letters, it said "DEST : HELL". What kind of a
joke was this?
"There's nothing to worry, sir; it's perfectly okay."
"No, you can't be sending me to Hell. Surely, I am not so evil as to be sent to Hell, a few
financial scams and I would have resigned anyway if you had given me the time. And just
one affair, and even that didn't come to anything. This is so unfair!", I pleaded desperately.
"It's okay, sir. It's just that Heaven and Hell have merged recently and the merged entity
has been named Hell. Both sides agreed that it was the more popular brand name. Hell has
been so well advertised on TV these days, and in churches too. Don't worry; we shall be
reaching the Pearly Gates in no time."
"Hmmmm!", I said, closing my eyes to clear my muddled thoughts.
"Would you like a drink?", a sweet voice whispered in my ear. A sexy young thing stood
beside me, a glass of J&B - my favourite drink - in her hand. The dress was a little, well,
skimpy, and it had all the right curves to show off. Definitely an A+.
I stretched my arm out, as much to hold the glass as to hold her equally inviting hand. But
before I could say "You are so beautiful, my dear", the earlier girl appeared. "One moment
I leave him, and there you are with your last temptations. Can't you ever leave a good man
alone?", she glared at her with dangerous goodness.
Oh, well, I thought, I better be careful, shouldn't blow my chance to go to Heaven. No
need to panic, I am in the big league after all, being treated like Christ. After those scams
and that stupid needless confession about the affair - surely God could not have known
about it, even my wife didn't - I decided to take no chances. I preferred the fruit juice; the
angel gave me a brochure to keep me occupied.
I flipped through the attractive document. This merger had occurred recently; the boards
had just become one, with two joint chairmen, the names were no surprises. The docket
hailed this historic union of good and evil; it predicted that both would become stronger as
a result. It seemed the line between heaven and hell had been increasingly fading. Both had
expanded beyond control in the last few years, the explosion of the dead on earth had
begun to hit them too. The suburbs had grown until the two places had begun to overlap.
Each had influenced the other; procedures of analysis and judgement had become by and
large the same. The merger was a natural conclusion.
The synergies were obvious. No longer would two sets of records be kept for the same
human; a single data centre had become the source. The technical chaps had started a
major project for an on-line multi-user database ( it will probably take all eternity, I
thought ); Transportation too had simplified. It had become increasingly expensive to bring
the humans over quickly and to send messengers over. Purgatory had cheaper
transportation but it had not flourished because of its bad marketing : a
neither-here-nor-there image. Other rivals, small regional entities, had managed to lure a
lot of prospective chaps by quick service and clever sales promotions, usually with some
cheap miracles. But the merger was expected to be a Godsend; a new treaty called the
Good And The Terrible had just been signed among the superpowers: it was supposed to
herald a new age of liberalisation.
I finished reading the document just as the flight came to an end. I stood up promptly, but
as always, everyone else seemed to have woken up and stood before me. The queue was
endless, immobile; somewhere, babies were crying. I waited impatiently, no one said a
word, perhaps the same thoughts were in everyone's mind. At last the queue moved,
slowly snaked through a dimly-lit tunnel which ended in a brightly-lit hall.
At first sight, it seemed quite ordinary. Just the usual airport, nothing fancy. Like every
other time, I blindly followed the arrows that led to immigration. One had to pass through
baggage clearance first; you had to step onto the conveyor belt. I had not anticipated the
awful pain, it was as if a part of my mind was being wrenched away from me.
Immigration was equally unexpected. They were disposing of people quite fast, those St.
Paul clones. One look at the faces, and you knew what had been stamped on the card. I
guess the hang-ups exist even after the merger. But what's the difference these days, I
wondered.
"This is Miss Antherer at your service. Thank you for calling me. The difference is in your
mind. People go to the place they think they should go to. So all the saintly types go to
Hell because they committed some measly sin sometime. Most of the evil rich end up in
Heaven, because they think they donated enough to the proper causes. Even if they go to
Hell, it is a place which panders to their desires. Only the really saintly suffer unreal
torment in vats of boiling oil. I hope that answers your question. In case you need
clarifications, please wonder. Thank you for calling me."
I didn't like this wondering answerer; it seemed to talk inside my mind. I had some
not-so-nice things to think, but she might get to know, I thought. Isn't there a law against
this mind-tapping?
"This is Miss Antherer at your service. Thank you for calling me. Mind-tapping is allowed
only for governmental agencies engaged in the public service of providing answers to any
questions you may have. In special cases, it is used for the security of the state.
Confidential, personal thoughts are not recorded. I hope that answers your question. In
case you need clarifications, please wonder. Thank you for calling me."
I was beginning to feel sorry I wondered. No more thinking. Anyway, I had reached the
beginning of the queue. They ran the scan on me; I smiled nervously.
"I'm sorry, sir; you don't exist."
"What do you mean?"
"You don't exist, sir, on our computerised reservation system. You must be a mistake, sir.
Probably a bug; why don't you wait in this room while we check up the other locations?"
Never before have I waited so long at an airport. An eternity later, after some tasteless
sandwiches, countless cups of coffee, they let me out of quarantine : my flight was ready; I
should have been on this one, but someone somewhere had goofed. Apologies and all
that.
"You are now going to Third Heaven, Sir", I heard her say before I smelt something
strangely reminiscent of a hospital.
...............................................................
I opened my eyes. Things were a bit hazy at first; slowly, I realized I was on another flight.
Everyone else seemed to be fast asleep. I just had an unusual dream; I dreamt I had died.
Where am I ? Oh! God, it had happened to me again: I could not remember where the hell
I was going!
