We live in a dangerous world
We live in a dangerous world! That was my mom told me when I was 11 years old, since then I never trust anyone nor go with someone stranger.. not a party goers, yeah I go with friends but we stayed at home and do some home works or projects in school, - When I was in fourth year high school I was so curious of everything ive tried smoking, drinking till drunk, cutting classes and the worst is when I join the fraternity. It was really hurt damn it hurst so much! When the paddle spunk on my legs god damn I feel im dying.. when they finished i felt my legs were swollen then I saw some black red spots on it.. I smiled yes I make it! At first I It was just for fun.. but as days weeks and months in fraternity I feel them, I thought they were just wanted to be strong- strong in a way that everyone will feel fear when they see them, but its not. They looking for sense of belongings.. well then-
When I turn college and start falling unloved- that was puppy love! Huh, id tried to get away from anybody and even the one I like, I donít why? Shy? No! afraid? MaybeÖ afraid because what if id fell in love with them then they will leave me just like what my dad did to my mom, silly. As years gone by im growing getting matured, I learned how to deal with different people, ive learned how to fool everyone around me, being plastic with someone that hated me, being nice to someone who likes me, and being rude with my boss.. they are dangerous.. I know, they are stranger.. I hate myself for being like that
Im trying to learn how to trust someone but I cannot, even telling them what I really feel in cant! Only my old computer knows everything.. I waste my time chatting with strangers thatís my exercise , different people different nations different faces sometimes no face at all, different languages and different heart. You know what? I fell inlove with my chatmate heís nice to talk with, heís married with two kids, I never wanted to be like this, or to feel like this but it has, we met each other and find comfortable with each other
We almost forgot the world around us, when were together seems like were the only species live in this world, I really felt happiness when were together, but heís a married man with two kids, I donít know what to do, I donít know what heís trying to do, and I donít know what he really feel, but I know whats in my heart and in my mind. Only him.
But I cant take away all the worries that I feel. What if he leave me? What if she found someone much better than me as mistress. Im totally contented with this. He asked me once what if he leaves his family what will I do? And I said ďnoĒĒ stay with your family and I will be much happy, though my hearts were breaking. I donít want them to be like my family my dad fell inlove with someone and forgot my mom and even me and my seeblings.
I will be much happy if you stay with them, but pls stay with meíí
Cont.. today is my flight going to cambodia