WHY A BOTTLE IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
"At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted." -- Eric Idle
WHY A BOTTLE IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN By WILLY 1/22/06 3:30 PM
* A bottle will never nag you to keep the freaking toilet seat down!
* Depending on your choice a bottle can keep you warm or cool you off!
* A bottle will never tell you, "The last guy drank me straight, no chaser," or on the rocks w/e!
* You can own as many bottles as YOU want, they don't get jealous!
* You can try as many other bottles, as your stomach can take, your bottle will wait for you!
* An older bottle doesn't need Victorias Secret's lingerie to make you drink from it! In fact older bottles 9 times out of 10 are better!
* A bottle won't monopolize the telephone and always be on it when you try to call!
* A bottle won't keep after you to get it breast implants!
* A bottle will never crowd your stuff out and fill the medicine cabinet with unknown 'beauty' products!
* A bottle won't tell you, "My father always did it this way!"
* Size doesn't matter to a bottle!
* A bottle will go home with you even if you are uglier than sin!
* A bottle will not care how many other bottles you've drunk from!
* A bottle has many 'pick up lines' but you must get to the bottom first!
* After drinking from a bottle you can become a one-man band, great on guitar or a singer!
* Your disappointing appearance, at the bar, you can blame on a bottle!
* Or if you have the dinero, to lubricate the crowd, buy them all a bottle! Caution some times, one or more, of them may think they're better than you, do NOT give them a chance!
* Confidence lessons? Not needed; a bottle will convince you; you are better than Mickey Mantle, Roger Staubach and Willis Reed!
* The way the game turns out, your team losing, is the fault of a bottle!
* A bottle, to many men, is very necessary to even talk to a woman!
* The hotter, sexier and better looking a chick is you need more of a bottle!
* The ugly girl you wake up beside can always be blamed on the bottle!
* The fact that you woke up alone, again, can also be blamed on a bottle!
* A bottle doesn't need to be told, it looks good, dinner was great, or she's the ONLY one for you!
* A bottle will never tell you how to drive or do anything else!
* Any mistakes you make can be blamed on a bottle!
* A bottle won't care if you are rich or poor, as long as you get it home you're alright!
* Bottles don't care that you're still listening to Bobby Darin, Frank Sinatra, or Patty Paige!
* A bottle won't tell anybody about your secret crush on Dolly Parton's Boobs!
* A bottle will never divulge the porn sites you visit, where your old Playboy's or video's are hidden, and it won't tell that the 'Penis Enlargement Pills' failed to work!
* A bottle won't discriminate against you because you're black, white, yellow, green or w/e!
* A bottle could care less if you're Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Jewish, Agnostic or still wondering!
* A bottle will never tell you to, "STOP PLAYING THAT GODDAMN SONG!"
* A bottle will never say, "No," to anything!
And lastly there is this;
* A bottle will never ask, "Does my butt look fat in this paper bag?"
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