Party Poopin' (Oh Shit!) | By: scott mathews | | Category: Short Story - Adventure Bookmark and Share

Party Poopin' (Oh Shit!)

Oh no, you’re jamming down at the party. Getting down with the females, dancing around like a maniac, laughing, spilling beer. Then it hits you the nations number one problem ~ feces. You gottta drop a bomb and quick. With no time to go to the store down the street, or even the backyard you’re in big fuckin’ trouble. As your stomach gurgles, and sloshes beer and poop around, you head to bathroom, making sure the coast is clear and, you’re in! Now all you have to do is squeeze, wipe, and get the hell out before anyone knows the difference (nobody wants to be the one who stank up the party). You sit down, hurry as you hope like hell no one’s gonna catch you - whew. You reach for the ass paper and dunt-dunt-duh- there is none, no Kleenex either. As your jaw drops and pupils dilate, you take another shit out of fear alone (your gonna be busted). Well settle down because your about to use your observational skills to get out of this terrible, terrible mess (pun intended). Nobody in their right mind would want to go back to the party with pants full of mud - so we found some helpful hints for dat ass. 1. No - Now this could be dangerous. You struggle with the last few scraps on the roll, only to realize its not enough. So you grab for the actual cardboard roll and try to fit it between your butt cheeks, as if to try, but your best efforts fail. By now your sphincter just hurts. Not you’re best resource. Sorry buddy. 2. Nope - Alright you desperately scramble at the floor for left over pieces, leaving fingernail marks in the ground. As tears of panic roll down your face, you can only scrape up about a quarter of a single sheet and it’s all crumpled up and shit. Not even enough to wipe a tear. You look around and all you see is some hair and an ant. Fuck dude. Damn. 3. Definitely - Oh my gaud. That’s just all wrong. Well so is prancing around the fuckin’ place with an uncomfortably disgusting slime in your azz crack. So you dig up a few used snot rags (stop blushing). Sometimes extreme situations take extreme measures. I mean do you want to be busted. Like I said it’s better than walking around the party with shit in your ass. 4. Yes- Man desperate to get back to the keg; you look down at your socks and undies. “Aw man, fuck” you think as you slowly pull off your socks or undies (come on, you know you would). If this is to weird don’t worry, just block it out. *Make sure to bury them at the bottom of the trash and never, never tell anyone. Make sure. 5. Umm I guess so - Damn, so you didn’t wear any underwear or socks. It’s time for the towel technique (If no towels are visible check the cabinets and closets). Now you just may want to wet it if you have time. I know your like “towel” they're gona notice that. No. Just take it; fold the stain on the inside and shove that junk under the bottom of the stack. Yea, you feel that, that’s the feeling of a job well done. *If somehow, nothing works, yank your pants up and break the fuck out before somebody smells you. -end

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