PARENTS, ADULT CHILDREN, DIVORCE and ALLIANCES
At an early age for children to have two parents divorced is difficult. From what, I’m told, and learned from others. It is a feeling what did I do? Somehow the child feels it’s their fault and blames them at times. Many carry these feelings into their teens. Many will begin to act out as a result.
Let’s talk about the parents that have been married for decades raised the family all children are fully mature out of the house married or living on their own. Have careers, families of their own, even grandchildren.
Then one Tuesday evening, you get a call from a sibling that there is major trouble in paradise. The parents are slitting up. One stays in the house .while the other moves out temporally! You are left wondering why after all these years? Whatever it was – or is you two couldn’t work it out? You stuck it out this long. Then with all the children now, adults it appears there is nothing in common anymore. No bond to keep you together. – Not the televisions shows, fishing, movies, religious services. So it’s Slitsville USA?
As an adult to have parents separate, is difficult on so many levels. For children who gets to go to mom or dad’s house for the weekend and spend holidays with one or slit your time with both during the summer months. Is a job in itself? And it must be quite, taxing on the children as well as parents. Let’s focus on the children shall we.
As an adult with parents separating there are different issues that arises. An adult with siblings you have some bonding together with one parent. You have a parent looking for allies, talking constantly bashing your parent, their spouse. What’s an adult child of these two parents to do? Try to stay neutral.
Did this parent forget they are talking about my other parent, all the name calling bashing negativity is not working. You are not gaining an ally. You’re losing one!
Alienating yourself by the conduct actions exhibited. So you are torn in essence you don’t want to hear it. It’s your parent and well that’s between the two. You are there as support basically to both without being partial or bias.
When you have a parent that is determine to have things their way as it has always been. You are not going to walk away with that assumption of staying neutral. Oh, no! It is unacceptable to one parent wanting and expecting allies. You have been chosen. You have sibling that has aligned focuses and now making comments about the other parent. It’s a war within the parties and the children have chosen sides. Anyone that has not, your own siblings are going to change your way of feeling, thinking regarding the other parent.
It becomes a Tug- Of – War! It is exhausting, frustrating and emotionally draining.
Most importantly –why must any of the children feel the need to take sides? They are your parents for heaven sake- both parents. If it were me I think I would have preferred being the kid carted off to a parent on the weekend’s verses the adult –children- parent outlandish drama, and chaos!
I can’t be effective by what your life was with each other as spouses. I’m the off-spring of both. My relationships with both are from a son-daughter perspective. I can’t feel your pain, hurt, disappointment; I could only empathize and support you in a positive way. In helping you move past it. Forgive let go and live your life. Not carrying any more of this destructive baggage! Dragging others down a path of misery because you are, oh but then, there is the phrase ‘Misery Loves Company’.
Let it go people you’re all adults.
This isn’t high school where you pick friends and that is no one else allowed in to the click. Until accepted be all and willing to become a clone by listening and agreeing to everything. If you should disagree, you are shunned.
I wanted to yell, listen- up guys this drama is, correction has pulled the family further apart. That has resulted in sibling disagreement, dissention among sisters and brothers. If you don’t choose one parent to agree and join alliance with, that parent than has a way of making you feel alienated along with your siblings. You are right in the middle of something that has gone beyond the parts. You now have your siblings to bombard you with all the drama! In addition to trying to get you to choose, I refused. So now I’m in the hot seat/doghouse…
This is what I call an example of Adult Children and Parents Slits- Ville.
I often wonder which would have been worst. At 8-10 years of age this occurring at that time, or this unfolding before you now, as an adult.
Its worst, I’d have to say now you hear more and in details as an adult. Things you would prefer not to know of between your parents some before I was even a twinkle in their eyes. You see more. How each one interacts with the other exchanges of dialects. To say the least I am repulse by it all.
I’d rather had been the kid verses the adult child, just my own opinion and thoughts.
Any ideas you want to share?