she never looked back
i put a little basket in the backyard. i sat in it, it was far too small. i loved that wicker hug. it was dark outside and i couldnt see anything. except the dying pink roses and my neighbours
hell raising son. did he know where he was going? did he know the power he'd one day have 2 hurt so many people, most of all himself? i didnt. but i wish to god i could have told him.
i've never been anything else but an average being.i never will be. You never will be. i'll try and i'll try and i'll give the little i have but i'll never make it. neither will you.
i wasnt always this way. the me i am now was born from a series of home made tragedy and the heartlessness of consequence. I was the sunshine in the forest. My life, my light gave so
the nouurishment to thrive, to love. and sometimes to hope. buut the sun goes down and people change. they dissipate, i evolved. In my conscious naivety i rejected the love of precious
heart. As the sun, i rejected the wisdom of the wind. And then i fled. Not out of bitterness, not out of shame. But out of pain. And i stumbled
here blindly, as blindas the dark around me in this backyard. And his face haunts me. My biggest fear and my one true comfort. the oeace of love. The love i feeel to unworthy to bear.
The passion i give to none but my own misery. Why was i heartless? Why me? Why had i not been stronger? and now i am a fool. By my own account and my ghosts account. His face never
leaves me.
In the darkness i see a puddle. Behold the reflection. Theres a child. Skin like caramel and a smile like snow. such purity. She is a child of unearthly beauty. Of mythical beauty. She plays
with her peers s hey havent a care in the world. a halo of moonlight and stars surrounds them. The angel children. The pure. Then a man comes. He opens his arms and the children ran to them.
Excepts the girl. She stands with the moondust on her bare feet unsetttled. Her mouth is pursed with resentment. Her eyes are wide with longing. Why? Why have you come now? What about the
past? What about the hurt? No, its not over. No, i will not stop looking back. I wont stop looking back. Or how else would i have been with you? where i belong. She backs away. Her chubby arms
across her face like a shield. A shield of flesh and blood. Her flesh and blood. And his. Tears pour down her face. The holy water falls to the ground. she trembles like a heart beat. its okay, i sa to her.
You'll be fine. Please dont let this cost you your lifetime. she turns towards my voice. I promise my darling, this sacrifice of your past will grant you a heavenly future. Go to him. His
arms are your home. His embrace could be your shelter. The only other you'll ever have is of solitude. Your anger is fine. Your never ending demise is not. Trust me, i am on the other side. God forbid
you should ever see it. She fell to her knees and hung her head.Her tiny body was racked with sobs. The earth shook and the lilys recoiled. The anger, resentment and bitterness charred
the ground it spilled on. Seeping through to the inner earth. She filled her elfin hands with the damp soil and hurled it at the man. Then she smiled. She stood up and made to her father. suddenly she
stopped. she came to where i stood above her and blindly held out a rose. It was pink, but stained white where her tears had stained it. i could not grasp it. She tottered away to her father.
I stood up and walked up to my neighbours fence.Go back to your mother and make sure you always do. The boy looked at me puzzled.
The biggest hole you can cut in the fabric of your life is to walk away. So go in. Now, i added sharply. No matter how hard it is, you belong where your heart is. In the warmth of the love you have. Nothing
hurts more than to be cold.
I tied my laces. On my way i saw a pink rose. The only one of the dying bunch to still have flowing life in it. I plucked and stared at its white smudges. Clutching it to my heart i walked away. nd never looked
back.
