My Girl Anna Conda | By: Eugene Carmen | | Category: Short Story - Funny Bookmark and Share

My Girl Anna Conda

She is long, lean and very much into exercise
In body building contests, she always takes top prize
Now she is training for a Triathalon
Her mother coaches her from her car eating Bon Bons
She tells her it takes self discipline to succeed
As she is rolling up a joint from her dime bag of weed
She says you can accomplish anything you wanna
She is close to being my girl, my very own Anna Conda
I am usually sitting at her house watching her pet Gerbil
She runs my life, when she's not there, I really get verbal
I tell her Gerbil, Gertrude if you don't like it, then get out
I feel brave with Gertrude, so I really get loud
This has me thinking do I love her or her dominant ways
Sometimes I don't see her for days
So I call her sister for some support, her name is Rhonda
She tells me we better not talk, I don't wanna feel the wraith of Anna Conda
I tell her I am not afraid of her
Besides, she is busy at Shoney's Buffet feeding her mother
So Rhonda and I get together for some sneaky fun
I threaten Gertrude, you better not tell her what we've done
I am true American, I can't tolerate Commie Hoes like Jane Fonda
When will I be loved by Anna Conda
The phone rings, I am disappointed, it's only a bill collector
I didn't understand a word, but I did catch his name, he goes by Hector
So another a person who speaks English, tells me she is 3 months behind on her Honda
I tell the person, I dare you to come and get it, that's a direct quote from Anna Conda
Three days later the car is gone
She kicked my butt from Dusk til Dawn
Now I have a new love, her name is Vonda
The nightmares are still there, the virtual hauntings from Anna Conda
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