I Talk To Chickens | By: Eugene Carmen | | Category: Short Story - Funny Bookmark and Share

I Talk To Chickens

It all started when I seen an ad for a farm hand
Outside a town called nobodyunderstands
When I arrived at the farm
There was a ticker tape parade and I was handed a brand new box of Lucky
I settled in to a room, no a/c just a fan called a breeze box
The bathroom had no door which meant no locks
Josh Jerkis told me I start in the morn' at the first sign of daylight
At 430 am I was awakened to get started, Josh said their chores start while it is
still night
He tells me to go clean the hen house
I tiptoe in as quiet as a mouse
I hear a voice say lookie here someone new
Then the voice started singing the blues
I introduce myself to the voice that was sultry and sweet
I was shocked to realize it was one of the hens in her nesty retreat
She tells me they are all tired of laying eggs
And losing body parts such as thighs and legs
She continues to babble on about how at night they all sneak out to peak in a
window and watch tv
They are okay until they see a commercial about KFC
They get as far as It's Finger Lickin'
I know all this because I talk to chickens
This conversation lingered on
She was trying to convince me how their lifestyle was wrong
She said the owner grabs a few once a week
And looks around and says us humans have gotta eat
At this point I was feeling mighty bad
When I finished in there I very glad
Now it was time for some lunchtime vittles
I seen what they were having so I ate just a little
What they were eating, caused me to become sickened
They were devouring chicken
I tell them I can't do this anymore
Josh says I know it's a lot of chores
It ain't that, it's what you are eating, I can talk to them
Josh looks at his wife and tells her to call Sam
Soon a paneled van makes its way up the driveway
I lost my freedom that day
Now I am sitting next to a guy named Horace Blicken
All because I talk to chickens
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