Get Your 4-1-1 from 5-2-9 | By: Eugene Carmen | | Category: Short Story - Other Type Song Bookmark and Share

Get Your 4-1-1 from 5-2-9

I am the authority on any question you may ask
But be prepared, because I know I've already completed that task
You ask me which pet is better, a dog or a cat
Read my latest article about the care of all animals, called Been There, Done That
Don't try to outcook me, I graduated at the top of my class in Culinary School
Put your money on the table, I know I can beat you at pool
When I drive, I demand complete silence, I don't want any distractions
Computer programs, accounting, I've used every kind of database, done every kind of financial transaction
Don't argue with me, because I will win
Everyone tells me they wish I had a twin
You want to know about raising children, ask me about mine
I strongly reccomend you get your 4-1-1 from 5-2-9
You women need to break your men down
There is no king of the castle in my house, I wear the crown
I may be a little proud of what all I've done
I know it is far more than anyone
If you want to know about cars and their care
I can tell you about dealerships I have fixed when and where
You cannot tell me anything that hasn't already happened to me
I keep a crystal ball to foresee
During an African Safari, my sister went into labor, I delivered my neice
I rode with Gypsies on the islands of Greece
I had to tell Eugene, supposedly an experienced detailer, how to make the tires shine
The secret is out, sorry Eugene, now they know you got your 4-1-1 from 5-2-9
I won an arguement with an astronomer about the solar belt
I was given extra chips at a casino because I pointed out to the manager how the cards were dealt
I've given advice to a couple about horses and their unpredictable ways
I told a fishing boat captain, how and when to enter Biscayne Bay
Through it all, I find people and force them to listen to me
Where is Gabrielle, oh, she's eating lunch and my nose is snotty
People love me for all the great knowledge I possess
But I have one rival, I must confess
She is at 1-800-SO-Fine
She cannot top me for you 4-1-1 from 5-2-9
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