My Wig
We leave on vacation to see the Grand Canyon
I ask my son when is the last time ha changed his socks, his feet smell like salmon
My wife laughs and says that isn't his feet, it's his breath
I tell her no more equate toothpaste, we're switching to Crest
My wife says in a panicky voice, I forgot my social life line
I tell her to calm down, everything will be fine
She says, turn around and head toward home with the speed of a Russian Mig
We can't take this trip, I can't be without my wig
One hour and two tickets later we finally arrive back home
Now she has her wig in hand and her voice has a nice, calm tone
She says what are we waiting for, let's be on our way
It's only 9:30am, it's already been a long, long day
Now we are back to the area where we had to turn around
I remember that singles club called Lost and Found
As evening settles in, we stop by an eatery called The Autumn Twig
She says please bear with me as I put on my wig
My son and I sit in the car quietly, as we are close to death from a lack of food
My wife tells us let's enjoy our vacation, you two need to adjust your attitudes
We sit in the car and watch as people come out of this greasy spoon diner
I keep reading their slogan, If you're lookin' for rib stickin' food ain't none finer
I keep having these visions of me at the table, eating so much, my wife and son call me a pig
Finally she is done fixing her wig
I watch in horror as the Diner's lights go off
My dream is gone, no pig, no trough
She says in disgust, that's just great, where can we get a bite to eat now
I tell her about a barbecue joint five up the road called Four Sides of a Cow
She says okay, but I could not belive what she just did
She smiles and says I told you everythin will be okay, as she removes her wig
We arrive outside the place rated as some of the best barbecue around
She throws her wig on the dash and laughs like a circus clown
She says my hunger has taken over, I believe she's flipped her lid
She says let's go on inside, these people don't know me, they have never seen me without my wig
