Stopping By Woods
Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Morning
I came to this wood seeking to know the truth.....
I wanted to know what had remained of the past here that was intertwining with my destiny. Why all of my nights chased me to show this place in my dreams. Why of all the places in the world did this place still beckon me when I know what cold does to me -numbs me and drowns me to fathoms of loneliness.
Here I was searching for a clue that I could relate with. I continued to wander slowly without a direction holding my hands closely to my body to keep myself warm against the blow of wild wind.
I found the house nearby which was echoing with music all around. It was still the same -one storey above the ground with no fence and doorbells. He had brought me here two years ago and it was the last time ever since I had seen him. Everything started spinning around me with the flashbacks of the past coming alive on the surface with the wings of the music. I bolted open the door. All of a sudden the fog outside lifted away off the breaking dawn. I entered dispelling away the darkness. I saw him after all these years....his face towards me with the fine lines of light playing hide and seek as the fog would come again out of nowhere blinding my vision. Still my eyes traced his features like they did the first time.
He still had the courage to dwell deep into my stony eyes without a blink. I tried to look elsewhere. My eyes followed his long, soft fingers as they continued to strike the notes on the piano and his followed mine for a chance encounter as if I’d fall back for him once again and forgive him. What did he think of...... he could simply have one look at me and melt me away.
Music....it gives a soul to the entire universe of dead, buried emotions, wings to the words untold and unheard, flight to the imagination and a little to everything. I felt pangs of pain with all my heart that I had never felt before.... not even when he had left for good. I turned away my gaze elsewhere but not his fingers for it revived the longing to intertwine with them. The warmth it’d bring to my trembling fingers...
I wanted to embrace him and shed away this layer of arrogance to show my true colours, my deepest fear, what he meant to me, all that I had kept to myself and never got a chance to say. But I was not sure if he had come for me.... and what if he comes only to leave me shattered again. How would I deal with that!
NO! I couldn’t fall into my own created web of illusions... for people who come like a rush of wind into our lives in the spring but once the wind dies out in summer, it’d continue to grip you with haunt forever.
How I remember that night.... the lightning sky.... this house....all around the magic in the air....and on the rooftop I had drifted to another world where my imagination soared up high like a rocket in the sky. So many dreams I had weaved and he was there with me with the stretch of my dreams. What happened to those promises? Did they blow out in the breeze that night?
He was completely immersed into the music that all of a sudden became more silent than the silence between us begging to give him one chance....one chance or last chance, god only knows what he was looking for. When it slowly died out the moment came to a halt. My downcast eyes could see the footsteps he was taking towards me. It seemed an eternity had passed for him to comeback for me. To distract myself I tried to calculate the distance between us....almost few inches apart. I closed my eyes and a drop of tear rolled down my cheek but I wished not to open them for I couldn’t bear him to see me like this. He pulled the curls of my hair behind my ear and held my face within his hands. The spell of his eyes was drawing me closer like a magnet kept in isolation for too long. Once again the fire had taken an outrage within beyond my control. I hated him from the core of my heart but all those hated disappeared like some thin cloud. But I didn’t want to fly this time with this silence. I fought back and tried to push him away. He struggled holding me firmly. I gave in all my defences crying over his shoulder.
I nudged him in the arm,” When I was praying for you to knock at my door, you didn’t have the courage to comeback for me. Where could I go in lookout for you? ”
He almost whispered just like old times and pulled me closer,”Shh...I’m here now...can’t describe what you do to me. Forgive me for this. I had my own demons to deal with. Only for you I left you.”
The day was becoming clearer and clearer as if asking me to shed away every stiff corner of my heart. I didn’t want anything that moment. Life is meant for living and I didn’t want to live it alone.