Blah, Blah, Fucking Blah | By: Scott Mathews | | Category: Short Story - Funny Bookmark and Share

Blah, Blah, Fucking Blah

“What, huh, oh yea, yea, hahaha." That’s what I usually find myself saying when people are trying to talk, and I’m not very interested in what they are saying. I constantly abuse all natural laws of humoring. I try, I really try. It's just that people like to think of themselves as so important to society (as long as they are telling you all about the bland feats they have accomplished, in their pathetically mild mannered lives) and that vibe, right there, destroys my attention span. Now, now. Come on. I can already assume that you think I’m being a dick about all these boring conversationalists. I love discussions. I love discussers, and discussies alike. But some people talk, just to talk. no making sense, no funny jokes, just babble, so they feel like they are important too. Awww how cute. Alright, ok, I guess I’ll eat my words, because I find myself on the other end of the situation constantly, but when I feel the feeling of shameful disinterest, I try to shut up. I save it for some other head who would actually be interested, instead of blabbing even more and making a big mess of somebody's inner sense of caring. Right, I think everyone knows what I’m talking about. You can’t deny it, because right now it’s just you and these words. No ones gonna pop out, point at you and say “You do that, hahaha, you’re the only one, and you just admitted it, ahahaha.” So go ahead, get on the level. We all do this. Hopefully, once DNA research is completed, maybe they could create some kind of luminescent skin pigment. It could be grafted onto our foreheads and it would glow when people are genetically compatible for speaking to each other. Then we could avoid all this insanity all together. It could work on all kinds of levels; relationships, friendships, business partners, the possibilities are endless. There would be no more embarrassing moments of silence. No more awkward ignoring each other. No more "shut up, and get the hell away from me's”, but those kind of schematics are still a long way away, so where do we go? On and on in annoyance? No one knows. But on the brighter side, at least we don't have telepathy. personally I don't think I would enjoy sensing everyone’s thoughts, unless everyone thought about hot lesbian sex and delicious food, then I wouldn't mind it so much. Or I could just stare into the mirror and read my own thoughts, while imagining that it's my day off, and I'm waking up only to realize...that I can go right back to sleep. But if that didn't work, I would be thoroughly motivated to move to Walden Lake. You would see me, then you would see some smoke and dust in the shape of me, than it would dissipate into nothing and i would be tearing ass into the woods to make a leaf hut, and then I would live there and wait to die. -end

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