The phone rang around 1:30 am and I picked it up. There was a man at the other line, he wanted to speak to me but I said I’m sleeping and hang it up. 12:00 am, there was this call, he told me he called yesterday around 1 in the morning but I just hanged up. So it was not a dream. I thought I was dreaming back then but he confirmed it that I actually answered the call. He was a comrade of a friend and so I talked to him. I really don’t have any idea why I did. Maybe it is for the sake of killing my time since I haven’t got much to and I’m sleepy neither. So there we were talking to each other and the next thing I knew, after several weeks, I was laughing at his corny jokes and he was holding my hand. To make it simpler, he became my boyfriend.
Our relationship did not have much to offer. It is more of a break up- make-up thing. There is more pain than the times I was happy. 5 months later, it was silenced. The busy phone no longer rang for me. Our communication went dead and everything about us was halt. I don’t know why but I did not call. Weeks pass, there he was talking on the other line. I tried to explain but he was deafened. It doesn’t matter I thought. Some things are better left unspoken.
I have live on erasing all the thoughts of him in me. Then just like as joke, he called. All drunk up and woozy, I hardly understand a word he is saying. All I heard clear enough was his “hello”. There was some guy on the background who is somewhat angry, and wants him to talk to me. I really don’t understand. Then he hanged up.
Back during the days we were still together, I asked him so much to smoking and quit living his life in a mess. I pursued him to finish his college.
After the “hi I’m very drunk I’d like to talk to you” incident, months pass since I had another call. But it is not coming from him. It was a girl at the other end, his girlfriend to be exact. She asked me to describe him. And I, being a good citizen, described him in a most pleasing way that I can think of. She keeps on asking me if he was a former lover of mine but I denied and persisted that he is a friend. He called; I asked him what was that about, he answered me that he cant think of any other person to describe him in a good way than me. I was so annoyed. And that was the end of conversation. He called me seldom, but at least he called. I discovered that he went back to college and all I can say was, “ thank God”.
I went into college; the thing is we were in the same school. He called me to confirm it, and he did. He told me he often see me but I really don notice him, which is I really don’t. When we separated, I told myself I would forget him, and would you believe I did. I forgot how he looks but I can’t forget what he is, that is why I don’t notice him.
The time of his graduation came; the fact is I really don’t know if he will graduate. By that time we changed our phone line, so he has no possible way to contact me since he don’t know my current telephone number. The only thing for me to know if he will graduate is to call him, but cant. So there I was, not knowing if he had a successful life or a mess.
Years passed and I graduated. A friend held a huge party for the success of his college life and his friends too. I will go abroad too in a matter of month together with two friends. As I was enjoying myself, a voice muttered at my back. It said, “Hi, how have you been doing?” I almost freaked when I heard that old familiar voice. When I looked back, there he was. After some years, he looked so manly and successful now; I can judge that with his looks. But his eyes are more intense and significant now, as if he already found what he has been looking for a long time. I smiled and said, “ You are the least person I expected tonight. How are you doing?” Our conversation got interesting without any of us mentioning the past. He told me, “Do you know my friend has been talking about you and that he loves you and yet he can’t tell it you. I can’t believe that the infamous girl was you.” The friend that was referring was the one who threw the party. I have been feeling it but I don’t want to pay attention to his friends felling for I only consider him as a friend. “He told me that you are going abroad, together with your best friend and a guy you like.” I did not denied it, during that moment someone called him and he told me he will be back and left his phone at my hands. It ranged so I was forced to answer it. A woman on the other end was somewhat shocked that a different person answered, but I explained I am a friend and that he left it for a while and will be back. She asked me to give a message to him. She told me that he needs him immediately to take care of the names on the invitation and the time and the place of “their” wedding. And so I did relay the message. He told me he was supposed to be married, but he had been a bachelor for so long and everyone around him force him to marry. He was 6 years older than me and it did not surprise me. I suddenly disappeared from the party, because I need to be honest, I was hurt.
I flew abroad together with my two friends. I worked 24/7 stopping for a 3-4 hours sleep. My friends were concerned but I told them I could manage. Men courted me and even offered me marriage. Some are rich others are handsome but I declined.
One snowy night, someone approached me, as I was about to get into my car. He was the same man who I knew so well, with that manly look and intense eyes. I was so shocked to see him there. He offered me a cup of coffee. He told me he knew everything that happened to me presently. He knew I have admirers and that I declined their entire offer. He also knew I work hard and that I have no plans of getting married. He told me one of my co-workers is his cousin, the cousin that he had been telling me years ago back when were still together. As we were conversing a song entitled “maybe this time” played and how I hated it at that time. He said that he followed me and he does not want to get married. I rejected it and told him that if that will happen many will be hurt. “ We can’t change the course that he have planned for so long just because we met at a party before you are to be married and before I go abroad.” He told me that he waited for me but to no avail I did not came. “I tried to search for you but I cant find you, and then she came. I thought I saw you in her but I was wrong.” I cried, for whatever reason I cried. It’s as if I’m being torn apart. I told him that we must go to the church and pray and ask for His assistance.
We went to the church. I prayed that if he were supposed to marry that girl he would say he is happy when we will talk with each other after this. But if we were meant to be he would say that he is feeling sad.
After that we went to a restaurant were few people are present. He said, “You know I am feeling happy right now.” After he mentioned those words tears fell on my cheeks. I can’t control them but they are rapidly flowing. At the sight of my tears, he had a horrified somewhat disappointed look on his face, and then he cried. He asked me, “Why are you crying?” I did not answer but I asked him, “Why are you happy?” and we silenced. I told what I have prayed and he was tormented. He said, “ I had prayed that if ever you shed even just a tear during our conversation, that means I am going to marry her. I don’t want to started by saying I am happy.” I told him to go back to her and she is waiting for him. They are married now and so I said that some things are better left unsaid. I am still single working really hard for good money. Do you know why I did not call him for the many time I should have? It is PRIDE I tell you. The worst thing you can have. But if I don’t have it, I should have called him to make him understand. I should have called him to ask if he will graduate. I should have called him to ask if he is now successful. I should have called him to say I love him and that I really want to be his wife. But now it is too late, cursed you evil pride.