love makes me so tired. i wish i could sleep; the pain of lost love keeps me awake night after night. the bags benieth my eyes hang like apples on flimsy branches. it doesnt take much and i water myself with tears. i have no will to go on. i am shattered like broken glass. please, sweep me up and throw me away. i am worthless now. i long for the nights where we used to sleep together, me wraped in loving arms, lulled to sleep by the soft sound of breathing in my ear. i remember all those times spent together, hypnotized by eachothers love. such warmth we had, i fire so bright and warm that it shined brightly for the rest of the world to see. why did we ever stop feeding that fire? why cant to be lit again and shine just as brightly as before? it has been watered. i see myeslf lying on the bathroom floor dieing in a pool of my own blood. i grow cold and start to fall in this slumber that is soon to be my death. to my unluck i know mother would find me and i would be wrapped up in a jacket with locks and buckles. its all for the sake of my own life of so i am told. why should i continue to keep pushing on when i have nothing to push on for? i lived for love and my love is now lost in a tangle of depression and self-hatred. i am now begining to feel the weight of my own body pulling me down. i only wait for death to come around, and when it comes i will greet it with open arms. it is the one thing that will take me without judgement and keep me forever dispite my faults. it loves me and wants me unlike the everyone else who has said they loved me.
if only, if only, my heart were made of steel.
if only, if only, i could still feel.
if only, if only, my life would just end.
if only, if only, i still had a friend.
if only, if only, i stopped at the start.
if only, if only, i had kept my heart.
if only, if only, i stayed closed like a fist.
if only, if only, love did not exist.
if only, if only, i had never found him.
then maybe my life would not look so grim.
i hate everything.